A Vision Splendid » proverbs 31

The Proverbs 31 Woman

visionsplendid — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 08:51:00 +0000

Some years ago, and I can’t remember how, I stumbled across this concept of the Proverbs 31 woman. It is a verse from the bible. If you are ‘anti religious’ or simply not religious, don’t switch off just yet ! View the concept as you would any quote from Ghandi, Stephen Covey, Tony Robbins or any other personal development ‘guru’.

The basis of the verse is a mother telling her son what sort of woman he should look for in a wife. That basic idea written thousands of years ago has been the basis, particularly in America, for women to adopt a particular way of life, that is, the mother who serves her family.

I personally love the philosophy behind the ‘concept’ of the proverbs 31 woman. I will paste the full text here for those of you that are not familiar with it. Once again, I ask you to put your religious position aside and read it as a text. I have kept it in the ‘old’ language for effect and you must remember it’s about 2000 years old.
10 A virtuous woman who can find? for her price is far above rubies.
11 The heart of her husband trusteth in her, and he shall have no lack of gain.
12 She doeth him good and not evil all the days of her life.
13 She seeketh wool and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.
14 She is like the merchant-ships; she bringeth her food from afar.
15 She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and their task to her maidens.
16 She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.
17 She girdeth her loins with strength, and maketh strong her arms.
18 She perceiveth that her merchandise is profitable: her lamp goeth not out by night.
19 She layeth her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle.
20 She spreadeth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.
21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household; for all her household are clothed with scarlet.
22 She maketh for herself carpets of tapestry; her clothing is fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.
24 She maketh linen garments and selleth them; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.
25 Strength and dignity are her clothing; and she laugheth at the time to come.
26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and the law of kindness is on her tongue.
27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.
28 Her children rise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her, saying:
29 Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.
30 Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.
31 Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her works praise her in the gates.

I love this ideal. The proverbs 31 woman is loving, intelligent and entrepreneurial. When I read through each verse it gives me ideas of how to work harder at aspects of my life.

I am reminded that by doing my husband ‘good and not evil all the days of his life’ I am insuring a good marriage. I have found that over the years the more I do for him the more it is returned to me. I find it a sad part of society today that many relationships break down because of this ‘why should I do that for him, he never does that for me’ philosophy. Going out of your way to do things for your partner brings gratitude and then it turn they do something for you and the cycle continues.

When I read through this passage I am reminded of the importance of the 6P principle. When it snows I want my household clothed in scarlet – meaning that I have an emergency fund so that if something goes wrong I am prepared.

I also think…..

- I want my husband to have full confidence about the way I manage the family finances and plan for our future.
- I want to be entrepreneurial , that is, I can invest wisely and see a return on the vehicle I chose to build our family wealth.
- I want to be ‘strong for my tasks’ in that I think it is important to remain healthy and look after myself physically.
- I rise early and prepare the day for myself and my family

Of course, the verse that always gets me off the chair and into action is the one which mentions “she watches over the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness”

I believe that society’s view of the stay at home mother is significantly shifting. It is slowly crawling out from under the grip of the feminist model that degraded the role of being “just” a mother or the idea that ‘serving your husband well’ was a form of oppressive slavery that had to be fought against!

Rather I see society as slowly shifting towards a model where even career women take off extended periods of time to ‘invest’ in the growth of their children by being the stay at home mother. There are even now ‘stay at home’ fathers !

I have been a teacher and a lawyer and a stay at home mum. I know which, by far, is the most important job that gives the best return and it’s nothing to do with money. The best return is when you make home made tortilla wraps and your six year old says ‘ the ones you make are so much better than the ones from the packet’. Joy of joys ! :>)

The Greatest Balancing Act

visionsplendid — Fri, 08 Feb 2008 20:01:00 +0000

The most difficult job of all that a mother has to do is balance her roles. I often say in a funny accent “Everyone wants a piece’a me!” And often times it is true.

I work outside the home, four days a week. I have every Monday off. I really love my stay at home day. I put my apron on and bake and organise and clean and get ahead with things and it gives me a wonderful sense of peace.

I used to be a school teacher. After my first son was born I went back two days a week in a job share and it nearly killed me. I hated having to leave him, even though I had a really good ‘Day Care Mum’. I agonised over whether to leave or not. In 2000 I started studying again externally and fell pregnant with my second son. That was all the persuading I needed. I resigned from my teaching position and cranked up my study. I studied full time waiting for the baby to come. My son was born in May 2001 and I juggled two little ones and the study. It was then that I learnt the value of redeeming my time. I gave up television ( except Seachange on Sunday nights on the ABC) and started to get up really early, sometimes as early as 4am, to do my study without interuption.

To cut a long story short, I had about five years at home with the children. Two years ago I was given the opportunity to work three days a week in the area that I had done my second degree in. I started the three days and eventually it turned into four days.

The boys are in school now, but not a day goes by when I don’t consider coming home again. It’s just the little things. Number Two son sat doing his homework this week and I thought I need to be there with him when he does it. Hubbie is home with the boys when they do their homework and he is very good with them, but it’s not the same. He is a great cook as well and has a meal ready when I get home. but it’s not the same. The difference is , that when I get home from a busy day I have very little left to ‘give’. I would be happy just to lock myself in a room for an hour until I ‘come down’.

So… it’s the great balancing act. I enjoy my work. I like the stimulation. However, the stay at home mum is the most important job in the world in my books! It’s not about the money. We have survived before on very little money. Sometimes we do better on a tighter budget because I manage it so much better – last time I budgetted really strictly when my first son was born, we ended up being able to carpet the house with the surplus !

So, if I don’t need the money and I agonise over the stay at home role, I bet you are asking why do I stay ?

The answer is complicated. I really like my work and I am grateful for the opportunity to be getting the experience. I don’t want to walk away and live with the regret of what I could have acheived. I also think that I can invest as much money as I can for the future of my boys. Goodness knows what it will cost to put them through university if that’s what they choose.

One good thing at the moment is that I can work flexible hours. My aim this year is to start early and finish early, hoping to be home at 4.30pm. That way I can still have a little down time before I slip into my apron and enjoy my children!

Are you caught in the great balancing act ? How do you juggle work and family ? Does your financial situation pin you to a job you hate ? Email me or leave a comment. I would appreciate your feedback.

Savings or " Not Spendings"

visionsplendid — Wed, 30 Jan 2008 19:38:00 +0000

We hear all the time about how much money we can save. We see it in shops – save $15, save 30% or we read about people cutting $25 a week off their groceries.

But are these really savings ? and if they are where does the money go ? I am quickly realising that most so called ‘ savings’ should really be called ‘ not spending’, in that unless you were actually intending to spend, for example, $100 on an item and you only had to spend $80 and invested the $20 – then that is a true ’saving’.

Lets look at it this way.

When doing our budgets we go through and ‘reduce’ our outgoings – $5 a month here, $2 a month there etc etc. – adding up to $400 saving a month and a whopping $5000 saving a year. But do we actually invest that saving and earn interest off it and add to it and make it grow ? Or is it simply money that we could have spent but didn’t!

I am going to make sure that I ’scoop off’ all the little ’savings’ I find. For example, when I budget $150 for the weekly groceries but only spend $125 I will put some aside for weeks when I need to spend more to stock up and I will scoop off some and put in my ‘never to be touched’ savings account. I think in this category a 50/50 split with the leftovers will be good.

Are you frugal, do you work hard to save money …. do you channel that money into savings or into debt reduction ? Post your ideas here.

Modern Retro Housewives

visionsplendid — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 07:10:00 +0000

Take this job and love it!
By Ami Thomas
Her alarm clock chimes before the sun rises. She’s not only up and at ‘em, she’s dressed to the nines in heels and a full face, wearing perfume. Her apron is starched and matches her outfit, and breakfast is on the table. Her husband and children come to the table dressed and pressed: they’ve been raised that way, and she’s done the ironing.
The year is not 1944, or even 1954…it’s 2004, and the modern retro housewife is keeping house like Grandma did. She’s starting early and staying up late. Her day begins just after daybreak, when she gets up and gets dressed. No sweats or boxer shorts and t-shirts for her, she’s wearing silk pajamas and pin curls. She bathes, dresses, combs out her hair and does her face. She’s a modern-day Donna Reed, and she doesn’t wear Donna Karan.
Home-Cooked Meals
When her family leaves for school and work, after a hot breakfast, the kitchen is cleaned, beds made, house straightened. If it’s Monday, it’s wash day, but whatever the day, you can bet her home is in order. The cupboards are never bare and dinner is ready when Father comes home in the evening. Meals are simple and nourishing. Breakfast and lunch are served in the kitchen, dinner is served in the dining room, and little boys tuck in their shirts before coming to the table.
Once a week, she gets her hair done and a manicure. If the budget is tight that week, she does it herself, but “going without” or cultivating “bedhead” is no more an option than wearing a jogging suit to the grocery store or going to the mailbox without lipstick.
She may be just an old-fashioned gal, or a semi-retired bombshell. She’s mastered the art of cleaning the cat box in a pencil skirt and stockings. She can sweep, mop and clean the toilet without chipping a nail or losing a bobby pin. These dames can keep house and keep the home fires burning. And really, what’s sexier than a woman who can cook and doesn’t mind cleaning up afterwards?
Taking Pride in Pleasing Others
These retrophiles and their mates are happily living in their own little time warps, raising their families the old-fashioned way, with good manners and knowledge of some basic social graces. Their children know who Alfred Hitchcock is and can sing Cole Porter tunes in the bath.
The little ones look up to Daniel Boone and Amelia Earhardt, and when they say the Pledge of Allegiance in the neighborhood grade school, they understand it and it means something. The kids wear plaid skirts and saddle shoes and turned-up dungarees with striped t-shirts and Beaver Cleaver caps. They say “ma’am” and “sir” and know which fork to use.
I know, it all sounds so nice, so perfect. Well, it is nice. Maybe it isn’t perfect for everyone, but for a few of us, it’s heaven. We were born too late. We live in that fabulous era of the mid-20th Century, when we’d just won The War and the whole country was overflowing with optimism about things to come. Good had triumphed over Evil, just as it should, and all was right with the world. The guys in White Hats would keep on winning and we’d all be safe from those guys in the Black Hats. It was as simple as that. The Golden Rule and the Ten Commandments. Baseball, hot dogs, and apple pie. What could be more wholesome?
The Retro Housewife’s Office
It just so happens that we don’t think all things referred to as “progress” really are moving us forward. And it isn’t just about the clothing that kids are wearing today (or, more accurately, not wearing these days). Looking at style trends is a good barometer for where we are as a society. When it just doesn’t matter to you how you look when you leave the house, it probably doesn’t matter to you how you do your job. It probably doesn’t matter to you how you drive or how you keep your lawn or anything else. If you can’t take pride in yourself, then what can you take pride in?
For the modern retro housewife, our lifestyle is a show of respect—respect for ourselves and others. Housewives dress each morning just as if they’re going to an outside job because keeping house and caring for their families is a job. It’s a serious job and we respect that work. We show that respect by not showing up for work wearing velour sweats and un-brushed hair. (And for the record, flip-flops are not shoes, just in case you’re on the fence about that one.)
Modern Conveniences
Sure, we take advantage of some modern conveniences: good dishwashers, advancements in vacuum cleaners, a good TV to watch those films noirs. A big refrigerator with water in the door definitely saves steps, and I can’t live without my garbage disposal. I also really like the coffee maker…but I have a percolator and I know how to use it. We have cell phones and pink princess phones. We have CD players and Victrolas. We have new cars and old cars. We have DVDs of our favorite classics, because we like to preserve what’s important to us.
Living this way every day is a real commitment. We have to mean it, because we are outnumbered exponentially and sometimes it feels like Us or Them, especially when we’re trying to teach our children some values and morals. You know, simple things, like buy pants that fit and no one else wants to see your underwear.
Going to the grocery store is better at the local market, not the big chains, since most of the customers are dressed like I am. Granted, most of them are in their dotage, but they don’t look at me like I’m wearing a costume. (It’s easier in a bigger city, too, when you’re likely to just be considered “eccentric”, and since I live in the same town as John Waters, I figure I’m OK.)
‘Granny Chic’?
If you’ve seen the August and September issues of Vogue magazine, you’ll know that I am at the height of couture fashion this season. “Granny Chic” as it’s called, is all the rage. (This outraged me and some of my friends at first, because all the “good stuff” we’ve loved all our lives is going to be outrageously priced and hard to find.)
Looking like I care what is going on at Fashion Week is anathema. I don’t want to be trendy. I don’t believe in trendy. The upside (my fellow retrophiles decided) is that in a few months, all those designer retro suits are going to be in the thrift stores and all over eBay. We can wait.
You know, the whole thing really comes down to how you want to live and what you want out of living. Frank Sinatra said, “You only live once, but if you live like me, once is enough.” We believe that, in theory, though most of us can’t live like the Chairman of the Board. Mostly, we try to live like we mean it, like it matters, not like we’re just killing time or getting through one thing and onto the next. Every day matters when you live simply and honestly and know what’s important to you. We look at our children and we’re proud of them. When we’re old, we can look back at our lives and be proud also—proud that we were modern retro housewives.

New Planner

visionsplendid — Wed, 09 Jan 2008 06:31:00 +0000

Here is this years cover for my Home Management Binder. It’s a bit “pretty” this year. I have really taken to dusty pinks and greens at the moment.

One of the things I love about the New Year is when you take some time to get on top of everything. You finally get to do the jobs that you have been putting off, you know the ones – where you just hang on until the end of the year passes and then you can finally breath out and start afresh.

An Entrepreneurial Spirit

visionsplendid — Thu, 06 Dec 2007 20:39:00 +0000

As you would have ready earlier in my blog I am fascinated by the ways of my Grandmother who is now a healthy 100 year old. I believe that we have lost many of the good things about this style of living. I am not saying that it would be nice to go back to having no electricity and no running water but I think we can implement many of the ideas and philosophies from that time to benefit our modern lives.
One thing about the old ways that I love is the entrepreneurial spirit. That is, the ability of people to create their own incomes. I am certain that it wold not have been viewed in such a romantic light back then, it was more a case of survival. If you wanted to eat then you needed to either grow it yourself or make some money doing something in order to buy your food.
There were no credit cards. If you didn’t have the money then you didn’t buy the goods. I often think that if it wasn’t for credit cards and redrawing on mortgages we would be living almost like the Great Depression days. How would you go if you got your weekly income out of the bank, held it in cash and new that it was all you had to sustain you for the week, or new that you had to actually save some of it to buy more expensive things?
In times gone by people created their own money without a job as such. Lots of people worked for themselves – the old idea of the butcher, baker, candlestick maker. My Grandmother worked hard to save money when it came in from selling wheat and wool. She also made money through extra things like selling eggs and turkeys.
Have we lost our Entrepreneurial Spirit ? Would we be brave enough to sell our services or goods for money ? Would we be brave enough to know that if we worked hard we would make more money but if we were lazy we would make less?
Something worth thinking about.

Working with a Cash Budget

visionsplendid — Sun, 22 Jul 2007 00:13:00 +0000

Over the years we have tried many different methods for controlling our spending and working on a budget. By far the most successful method for us is to work in cash. I have worked out what we need each week and I withdraw that amount of money. The following are our ‘ cash categories’.

Groceries

Fuel

Entertainment

Christmas

Holidays

Birthdays

Scarlet Ribbon ( clothing shoes etc)

Kids Banking

You can see in the photo that I use resealable plastic bags with the category and the amount written on it. Each week I go to the bank or post office and I have a little card in my wallet that says ” 3x $50, 4 x $10 etc and get the exact breakdown. When I come home I give the cash to our young sons and they go through and put the amounts into the bags. Then, when we want to do something like hire a DVD or buy a present etc, we just go to the appropriate bag.

Having the money in cash is great for a couple of reasons. When you have cash in your wallet you are much more careful about spending it. My sons have also learnt the value of money because they control it. We are also empowered by the fact that we have money in advance for needs that may arise.

I call one category ’scarlet ribbon’ because of the proverbs 31 woman who has no fear for her household for when the winter snows come her household is clothed in scarlet. It is a very old proverb but one that has always stuck with me.

I have also calculated how much we require for bills. You can do this by looking at what your bills are over a year and dividing the amount by 52 or 26 depending on when you get paid. Then I transfer that amount into an account we use for bill paying.

So…. what do you do when you finally sit down and add it all up and the results are frightening ? When I did this the first time I was totally shocked at our living expenses. Son number one was about 12 months old and I was faced with the prospect of going back to work. I was a school teacher then and was going back to work just two days per week. I hated the thought of it! So, we sat down and worked through everything in a huge amount of detail. I called it my ” Plug the holes audit”. By this, I meant that I thought the ship ( our house) would sink by the little holes that were in it, not the gaping big holes. So I set about saving money on little things, $2 here, $1 there. I changed phone plans, shopped for cheaper insurance, worked out a price book to track specials and calculate unit pricing, worked a cash budget etc etc. The results were amazing and I gave up teaching at the end of that year.

I often hear people talking about how difficult it is to make ends meet ( while they are watching pay TV and smoking and eating take away food). My answer is to be totally honest with yourself and live within your means. Take control of your money so it doesn’t control you. It is such a wonderful feeling to jump in the car and go for a holiday with the freedom of knowing that you have the cash for it all and you won’t have to face the credit card bill when the holiday is over.

If you can’t be bothered with the hassle of micro-managing it all then you will need to be happy with staying in debt and having no money and having lots of stress. The choice is yours to make, so which path will you choose ?

The Home Management Binder

visionsplendid — Sun, 24 Jun 2007 07:05:00 +0000

Some call it a home journal, or household notebook. I call mine my home management binder. It is the master plan for how I run my household. It is important that I balance all the roles that I am given and do my best to keep things running smoothly. Because I am spread so thin between my children, husband, work, friends and other family members I need to ‘go to paper’ so that my thoughts and ideas are not heavy in my head. The front cover has a wise quote from proverbs about the Proverbs 31 Woman. It says ” She watches over the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness”. When I was first married I tried to adopt this as a theme for my life. I must add that I always struggle with this ideal.

The sections in the binder so far are:

1. Family Finances: This is where I keep my budget, bills to pay, savings goals, debt reduction and net worth calculations.

2. Household Routines: I have been a flylady fan since 2000. This is where I detail my morning, afternoon and evening routines and have my overall cleaning and organisation plans. If you don’t know what I am talking about visit http://www.flylady.net/

3. Shopping and Meals: This is where I have my grocery list ( I use a standard sheet in the order of the supermarket isles) I also have a list of favourite meals, menu planner (Although I generally use a magnetic fridge version), price book.

4. Travel and Organisation. This is where I keep my going away list, picnic list, camping list, first aid list, emergency preparedness list etc

5. Resources The final section is where I keep printouts of articles, ideas, budget tips, management tips etc. I am always on the lookout for ways to improve my family management and make my household run smoother.

One day I sat and asked my Grandmother detailed questions and took my laptop and typed out what she said. It took many days to complete this process. I will share her wisdom further on this website. It is a topic that is very close to my heart. I think that many families are out of control today because they have forgotten ( or never learnt) age old principles and methods of life management.